JUDGEMENT—it is all about you, what you did, what you said. Blame, rejection, separation, isolation. How I respond to what you said and did. The judgment goes back and forth and yet, it is all about you! It is all about me! The stronger part, of this is that it does not even require words; just a tone of voice, a signal of body language adds volume to the exchange.

There is a place for judgment, in school grounds, those who have responsibility for our children’s safety in the playground; those in law enforcement juggling the laws of the land and the community’s safety. There are other examples for certain!

The most common arena for judgment is person to person, then groups, which are an extension of personal judgments.

I have a friend who was formerly a vocal Democrat in his political leanings. Then the Bill Clinton affair came on. Meanwhile my friend was busily cheating on his wife. All his judgments about himself, his own betrayal of his marriage are revealed in his political rejection of everything democratic. He is now a vocal Republican and putting all the judgments he has about himself in his strongly worded condemnation of the Democrats.

We make judgments broadly about race, about economic class, about education levels, about politics, about different groups. Yet it is still fundamentally about me! What I think and feel, I project onto others. They are a mirror of what I am feeling and believing about myself.

Look at what you are feeling when you judge someone; what does it mean about you that you hold judgment about the other person?

What does it mean about me when I am rejected by someone? Perhaps I may judge that other person as unworthy, beneath me, not good enough, mean, rude, a wastrel… judgment labels go on as long as you have language for how you feel about yourself.

So what does it mean about me that I judge this person? That I may feel I am separate, unworthy, not good enough and mean, even rude to keep people from seeing how vulnerable I believe I am.

If you want to really end judgment then turn the pointing finger around toward yourself. Look at the judgments you hold about yourself and find the courage, as you look within, to let them go. You may need help and there are resources for that. All it takes is a little bit of willingness on your part.

Ask yourself, What I really want you to know to know is…